What's the matter - afraid of temptation?

i really need a summer job

dear ivan, my love,
my weeks are long and stressful, from the school work to the after school running, from the late night rehearsals to the midnight assignments, from the sat's to the act's, from the prom dress shopping to the cabaret dress shopping, from the weekend choir concerts to sunday night's last minute essays...
but weeks like this, where i have no free time except when i lay down to fall asleep, is then, when all i can think of is us and how i wish it would all disappear and i could just simply be with you. because you look so beautiful sitting there waiting for me in that black sabbath t-shirt with your big round headphones and that stupid smile on your face when i finally show up.
 
"be with me forever, then after that you can be with anyone you want."
"just you again."
 
i miss you, elizabeth.
 
whoo got my second tattoo.

"i owe it to you to make you the happiest girl in the world. you saved my faith in humanity, and i'll spend everyday for the rest of forever to give back what you've given to me. but you owe me more mint tea."
 
i love you, ivan.

we cheered to our youth
swore to growing old
and then let go of every detail of it
as if we were out of the realm of time
as if our love could carry us through forever

i fell in love and died in the arms of a weeping king

yet again, too lazy to find anything but an ugly looking 80's sweater that I'd wear with too much confidence. but it works.
 
school really sucks, and cutting classes to smoke pot only makes it more stressful but i'm hoping i'll make it through to the christmas break. my older brother will be in jail for awhile, that's always exciting news. i have to end things with my boyfriend since he's a total loser. now i'm just wishing i could get some damn sleep.
 
but yet, but of course, in the midst of it all, i think of you. i've fallen out of love, but there's not a day that goes by that i don't think of you. please, never stop shining.
 
the spark that lit the candle
and sent a flame down the east coast

with your led zeppelin shirt draped on my shoulders
and hair stuck to my face from last nights hairspray
you smiled that twisted, beautiful smile
and asked me if i could look this way on our wedding day
 
sorry for drinking all your tea.
i need sleep.
 
happy thanksgiving. have a great one.

fuc k everything, i hate you all

being horribly sick over the course of this week has deteriorated my mind, and it brings me back to the realization that i'm completely alone. as good as it feels when you call me pretty, as good as it feels to have that nervousness when being close to someone you fancy, it's absolutely nothing to me when i'm locked up in my bedroom crying over details of myself that you don't know exist. i could never bring myself to tell you either, because you're not the one who will save me, j. you can't have the pieces of me that i already gave away. i don't know where in the world those pieces are, they could be drifting along the east coast, frozen in northern snow, or buried at the bottom of the ocean, but they have her name in graved all over them.
 
halloween was shit.
my birthday will be shit.
this year has been shit.
 
i guess we're better off forgotten.
 
by the way, watched fat kid rules the world and loved it. love the director. IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER, but i still absolutely loved it.

f u c k
i really do like you
and i think you like me too
 
this is different